Essence and Wounding
My work as a therapist and coach has two inseparable sides.
It’s a bit like caring for a plant that has become entwined by a weed.
The plant has never stopped being what it is. It still reaches towards the light, and carries its own unique nature and growth potential. But over time, theweed has wrapped itself around the stem, gradually restricting the plant's natural growth and causing it to twist and bend in ways it wouldn't have if left to grow freely.
In much the same way, each of us has an authentic essence. A true self expression that gets blocked, veiled and constricted.
Inner work is not so much about trying to become someone new as it is about gently reconnecting with who we have always been beneath the adaptations we have made in response to life's experiences.
Essence often reveals itself long before our inner work reaches completion.
We see glimpses of our essence in the things that naturally bring us to life: our creativity, compassion, curiosity, love of nature, or perhaps a deep connection to music and art. These moments of inner alignment are much more than enjoyable experiences. They are reminders of our true nature, helping us to remember who we are beneath the protective layers and patterns that of pain and closure. The glimpses we get of our essence in this way can become powerful signposts throughout the healing journey.
The other side of the work is finding and clearing the core pain that has become wrapped around our essence. Our wounds do not erase who we are, but they can influence how our natural qualities are expressed. For example, someone whose essence is loving may find themselves giving more than they feel comfortable with, hoping to be accepted. A naturally courageous person might notice a tendency to try to control the world around them to feel secure. A deeply sensitive soul may sometimes feel overwhelmed by the very openness that is one of their greatest gifts.
As the core pain is gently released, the distortions begin to soften, just as the weed is cut away from the growing plant. The plant doesn't have to learn how to grow. It already knows how to do that. It simply needs the freedom to express its own nature.
Healing, to me, is not about creating a better self. It is about finding and releasing what has become entangled with the self that has always been there, allowing our essence to emerge with greater clarity, freedom, and ease.
Our essence is never absent. It can become obscured, protected, or expressed through the lens of pain, but it is never destroyed. As the core pain clears, our essence doesn't suddenly appear. It simply has the space to shine as it always intended.
